you are lost

the instant you know what the result will be.

so here i am at 530 in the morning, having not slept yet, at another aunt's house. apparently madre realized things are better for everyone when i'm not at home. one step closer to getting out, living with dad, gracias dios.

you're haunting me again. it's this room, the one where i talked on the phone with you this summer until sunrise, the one we technically watched together. remember when we were walking to my house after school, freshman year, and you were complaining about your life and said that you were just gonna waste away in front of the tv eating tv dinners? i should've said what was on my mind, that i wanted to be the one who microwaved them for you. maybe you would've remembered that when you left. kelsey gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind.

this isn't going as planned, i thought i found myself but quite the opposite. but according to the title of this blog, since i'm lost, does that mean i've actually found myself? i miss the little schedule i had for myself the first three weeks, with the radio and the couch and the coffee and the boyfriend. not that i miss the boyfriend or anything, i'm jussayin. i ate junk food all last week, and i'm dearly paying for it this week. and my aunt's house is not the best place for an aspiring semi-health nut.

listening to the broadway lion king soundtrack, lml.
i want to start sewing again. by hand, machines scare me.
i need to paint something, i haven't done a real piece in probably two months.
my music is starting to get stale.
switching to maxwell house for the week, folger's is losing its shine.
i am so very glad kelsquared liked my gift. :)
i hope big red feels better.



EDIT: i'm home now, feeling more in my skin. i'm starting my healthy routine. i enjoyed maxwell house coffee, i may convert. i wish the best for big red and her glutenfree lifestyle, which means more beer for me. i did a selfportrait and a painting of my grandpa, i'm pretty proud.