hungry.

i can't read my older posts. i get about a page or two and then i just close out of internet explorer. i have no idea what is going on in my own life right now. my OHLAP scholarship didn't go through because my fucking parents didn't get divorced soon enough. so i'll be stuck being a waitress living in a shit apartment until i'm 22. i can't paint or draw or write anymore. i still think about you every day.

i annoy the hell out of my classmates because i have nothing relevent to say to them. no, i don't give a shit what was on mtv last night. no, i haven't been to the mall in 4 months. no, i have not seen Dear John. no, i would not like a dorito. no, i am not going to see devil wears prada or fucking upright. i spent my evening listening to BBC news and i borrow my clothes and i watch my movies on sundance channel and i snack on oatmeal crisps and i don't go to shows with little purple-haired scenieboppers because i spent my money on a corporate stadium show because i like being a part of something bigger. not just because i'm a pretentious bitch, but because i. don't. fucking. care. i have no idea where i was going with that, my apologies. i can't explain things in this beautiful eloquent way that you do. i want to lean against a tree and smoke a joint with ashley, and get lost in the woods like we did last spring. being sober is not my best suit.

this great enlightenment i had from not being on the internet in three weeks has been shot and mounted on my wall.