meet me in montuak

oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin', clementine.
she's me in ten years. i'd like a guy with a bit more meat on his bones than joel. i want a honeymoon on ice and the little box of pot and getting all of our dishware at goodwill and burning incense in the apartment but always smoking on the balcony or by the fireplace. i have a habit of obsessing about my adult life. i know twenty years from now, i'll be willing to give anything to be in this room that i'm in now, with my robert downey jr and avatar posters on the laptop mom bought for me. i'm trying to enjoy it while i can.

i was supposed to go back to school the day after tomorrow, but since school canceled, my last drug class and piss test was canceled as well. so hopefully i won't have to wait until next tuesday to go back. i can't wait another week, i just can't. maybe i can work out some deal with them.

my name is kelsey and i am an abuser. i cannot just sip a few beers, i will chug ten. i cannot have the toasting half of champagne at midnight, i will down five glasses. i will sit outside in shorts to smoke when it's zero degrees and i will dry sob when asked about billy, and text dumb things and just make a complete ass of myself. i'm pretty good at that, y'know. at least i don't smoke pot though, right? three months clean from that, it feels good.

my record player is taking good care of me. te amo, victor.