hungry.

i can't read my older posts. i get about a page or two and then i just close out of internet explorer. i have no idea what is going on in my own life right now. my OHLAP scholarship didn't go through because my fucking parents didn't get divorced soon enough. so i'll be stuck being a waitress living in a shit apartment until i'm 22. i can't paint or draw or write anymore. i still think about you every day.

i annoy the hell out of my classmates because i have nothing relevent to say to them. no, i don't give a shit what was on mtv last night. no, i haven't been to the mall in 4 months. no, i have not seen Dear John. no, i would not like a dorito. no, i am not going to see devil wears prada or fucking upright. i spent my evening listening to BBC news and i borrow my clothes and i watch my movies on sundance channel and i snack on oatmeal crisps and i don't go to shows with little purple-haired scenieboppers because i spent my money on a corporate stadium show because i like being a part of something bigger. not just because i'm a pretentious bitch, but because i. don't. fucking. care. i have no idea where i was going with that, my apologies. i can't explain things in this beautiful eloquent way that you do. i want to lean against a tree and smoke a joint with ashley, and get lost in the woods like we did last spring. being sober is not my best suit.

this great enlightenment i had from not being on the internet in three weeks has been shot and mounted on my wall.

i can do for you

what martin did for the people.

The Reader is a helluva film. shae has me obsessed with beyonce, wth. my weekends have been insane, i'm just scrambled all around these days. right now i am jobless, relationshipless, and my style consists of whatever i can pick off the floor that's clean. all of the above is about to change(excluding insane weekends and love for beyonce), because i am currently talking to quite the handsome boy and i have an 'interview and training session' at maggie moo's ice cream this week. when she said training session it gave me the positive outlook on this. and the fact that they must be desperate because i turned in my application in september.

i broke my laptop a few weeks back, so i haven't been on the internet much at all. (i secretly like it, except that i can't update my ipod)

i'm not inspired by anything anymore. although my bell's palsy has gotten so much better, i'm still terribly self-conscious and i miss my smile and flirty looks and laughing without looking like an idiot.

love, laughing, and money are just a few weeks away.